City of Her- VI

                                                           The Engagement
The past two days had been very tough for both of us. We knew it before that it would never be easy but we always over looked  it . But now it was in front of us and we were finding it difficult to deal with it . We did not have anything to talk about now like before .Earlier  time used to be less for our conversation but now time was hard to pass by .Every minute of silence seemed like an  hour .After every few minute  thoughts of her engagement would come up in the mind of  either  one of us  .There would be a pause  for sometime before  we would start to talk again but nothing was making the things better .After each call I felt this could be her last call and last chat after she logged out every time. There was no surety   .

Tomorrow early  morning she will  leave for nearby city of her fiance where the engagement would take place  tomorrow . We are on chat now and she is trying to make me feel better. She used loving endearments in our conversation  from Shona to baby and from sweet heart to darling. She had a purpose for that she wanted me to not feel bad. On the other hand actually I was dealing with two sides of my own mind  at that same point .I was very happy for her because she had made the right decision to get engaged and I knew that she would be happy with that guy. ( she had told me before  that this guy was very polite and a nice human being) But for myself I was  sad because I would loose her. Only thoughts  of losing her were enough to disturb my senses and I was unable to think of life without her.I was not ready for yet another period of emptiness in my life again. I dealt it with before but I did not want it again. Most of us think being strong and being brave are similar things but I found the  two had different meanings that day  “ I was not brave  to stand up against the society  and my parents for her, but at the same time   was  strong enough to let her go away from me”

                   I called her late night and talked to her for a while.  Asked about everything but nothing important .I inquired about her schedule as to when she would leave, by what time she would reach there and about packing and all the other things. But was not able to convey what I wanted to say to  her. I wanted  to tell her that I would miss her a lot ,although I did not need to say that because she knew it .My heart was cursing me for not  being able to stop her from leaving me.I just congratulated her  for engagement and I was about to cut the call when she said something and I fell in love her again. How could I have stopped myself she said “ek bar to mujhe rok lete to shayad main engagement nahi karti  “ (if u have asked me  only once i would not have agreed for the engagement ) I was not able to speak anything so I just wished her good night and slept with her thoughts.I was smiling but inside I was dying.

Its early morning and I am in my bed sleeping just when my phone rang. It’s her, she called  just before leaving for her engagement. I just picked it up. And it was like always, the best voice to hear when you woke up. You are at peace and silence all around you all this while when you are sleeping and you wake up hearing the sweetest words in the sweetest voice.  I started to love my mornings when I was with her. 

We talked for few minutes before her brother called her and we bid good bye and wishes for a nice day ahead.I knew it would  not be possible for her to call me again that day .
 After the call I wanted to get up but I not knew what I would do all day. I had nothing to do. I wanted myself to keep away from her thoughts, wanted to involve myself into something so that I should not miss her presence. I called every friend of mine whom I thought would be good to spent time with. But all of them were busy somewhere or another. I have to deal with my pain  on my own. So I just decided to enjoy my emptiness, my loneliness...Thanks Mr.Akon you have been  a great help that day... Heard“I am lonely, Mr. lonely... all day I guess “

The  day was hard to pass by and by the evening I had reached to  a saturation point where I can’t feel more worse.  So I choose to open my pc for the   first time in the day. I logged into my Gmail and read every chat with her from the very first day we chatted  to the last night . It took me close to 3 hours and it was like movie .All things we chatted about were flashing in front of my eyes. I logged off .

In night about 2 am she called me. I was sleeping but I was able to feel the vibration of cell.  I replied hello in my drowsy voice, She used to love this when she woke me up in morning. it was the only time when I used to listen her and she used to talk one way.
The  first word she said was ”Sorry.” Not a pleasant word to hear in her voice. I asked her  Why? Was not able to call u all day She said .It’s ok. Congratulations! I replied . I asked her how the day had been and she gave me a briefing about the whole day.  She kept the  briefing to the minimum,her voice got huskier after each sentence and then  while describing the ring ceremony she started to cry.  And in the process to make her stop   I lost control over my emotion and I too began to cry.........................................to be continued.

city of her-V