City of Her - IV

4 “How it all started”

It is said love cannot be arranged or forced upon,It happens suddenly and automatically. And more often than not it chooses a strange way to enter into the lives of two people and shake it upside down. Same rule was applied for me. I had lost faith in love and love stories because I had already tasted the bitter taste of love before in my life. But U can’t control your heart. And once again I lost it.My heart was again in love. My heart had subdued to the power of her love . It was just another day for me. I was sitting on the computer surfing the internet. Doing the same things that most of the youth do these days. I was on a social networking website when I came across her. From the very first day since our conversation started I felt something different for her ,From the very first moment I felt as if I connected to her so well .Our thought processes were almost similar and we did not take much time to jell together . Our first conversation lasted for hours and continued till we both felt sleepy. I am on my bed ,a few minutes ago, I was feeling sleepy but now I feel as if I am restless, not able to sleep,my heart is forcing me to recall those lovely conversations that I used to have with her. My brain wants to get rid of her thoughts because she was just another girl on a social network. At last I fall asleep with her thoughts in my mind and I want this night to pass quickly so that I can chat with her again. Explore her more. Know her more. How does she look? Lots of queries & Lots of unanswered questions. It has almost been a week since we first talked and shared each other’s lives. From sorrows to happiness , unaccomplished dreams to fantasies. From the darkest to the brightest parts of our lives.She was mine now and I admired her strength that she was still standing tall after all the sufferings she had taken in her life. Life has never been easy for anyone. . It treats everyone on same scale. And after knowing her past I felt more attracted towards her. She had, in a way, transformed my views of looking at life to a larger extent. She was changing me slowly and after a long time I was not reluctant to adapt to this change Now it’s my daily routine to chat with her. In the morning, afternoon and at night.It seemed like we were spending our days on the virtual world only and the nights were spent recalling those chats. We had adjusted our routine works to suit each other.My day began with her sweet melodious voice, and I slept remembering her calm words. Even if I was awake I wouldn't get up from my bed till I hear her voice. As if her voice was mandatory for my day to begin .Within a few days she had become a sweet heart from a stranger.She seemed just perfect for me. And I wished this to continue forever. Few days back I came to know that her parents wanted her to get married and this brought about a change in our relationship. She wanted to finish her studies , her long lived dream. And I found myself somewhere lost between her parents ‘wish and her dream. Still I could not go away from her and with each passing day I was getting more and more close to her. Knowing the day she will accomplish her dream, will be the day when the count-down of our separation would start . Yet i was happy for her. I was getting to spend some precious time with her. And as it’s rightly said good things always comes in small packages, so did my time with her. I was used to her presence. I missed her even if I had to stay away from her for even an hour .She was now an integral part of my life. A day without her felt like a day wasted.

Today I was very happy. It must have been my good deeds which were paying off now. It had been less than 2 weeks and I was about to visit her city. I badly wanted to meet her and I was about to meet her, For my family it was just another visit to my uncle’s place but for me it was special because this time my purpose was different. As expected she was very excited after hearing that I was coming to see her. My love life was moving at fast pace...................................................... TO be continued City of Her- III

Life: a process of evolving

                                     As i sit  down writing my thoughts, another day of life has ended and so It did for many of them whom I know and millions of those whom I don’t, it’s also a new day for millions of those who share a different time zone from me, and with each passing day we end up adding a day to our life.
                   every new day starts with very familiar rays of sun and chirping of birds , yet every new day have some surprises for us , something new to learn , something  to gain and many things to experience , it also have another 24 hours for us to realize that life has so much to offer to us and we only end up wasting this very day in order to make sure we enjoy any other day in future which never comes , life always tries to make us understand that its beyond worrying too much and best time to enjoy is present , that is why it’s called   PRESENT  a  GIFT from  life  to each one of us.               
               
each one of us is habitual of blaming their life or luck for everything which not went according to their wish ,from smallest to biggest  problem of life we look  someone or something to put blame on  instead  looking for possible shortcoming, each one of us thinks of  himself  as   the most  troubled one but it’s not the case.
               
           everyone in life have his own challenges ,equal share of happiness and sorrow but we always envy someone else ,and many of us  would readily agree to switch their life by looking at  bright side of other’s life & overlooking the dark side of it. A bald man envies someone with nice hairs and the one who has got hairs is not happy with the curls he has got , similarly each one of  us have different difficulties in life, for an example one might suffer loss of his parents at tender age while other may go through a life threatening event,both are more or less  same kind of blow in one’s life, it clearly indicate that the almighty  is never partial and at the end of life, things get balanced and  finally its comes  to us to understand that our existence in this world is as much important as anyone else is , and we should  not envy for what we don’t have rather we should  cherish  what we have got.                                            
              In this world a purpose is assigned to every single soul  and with it,  assigned a set of  problems which we can term as checkpoint  which are needed to be conquered in order to move ahead in life, life would have been easy without  problems or hard times but then joy of success would also have been less sweet ,it’s purely because both are opposite side of a single coin, there would be no importance of sun if  there was no existence of night, no joy of success if there is nothing like failure.

                   There  are failure in every one’s life but we must not get afraid of it and loose hope,there will be frustration because of it but we should not loose  focus on our goal ,and should look over  what went wrong and correct it in next attempt , failure only points at one direction that there  is lack of effort and desire, in failure also one gets to know another way of how not do to things. meaning of Success is  not only to be first always, it means to keep progressing from where u end up last time, and this process of improvement must not end.
                 To wake up every day with a goal that I will make this day better one from yesterday is the true essence of life, in this process we should embrace all the positive things around us and let go of all the negativity and enjoy whatever life has to offer to you and get better and better with each passing day just like a bottle of wine.

My opinion about LOVE

City of Her - III

3 “LOVE...it’s never easy”

I was in a train returning home after having one of the most eventful days of my life or you can say the most cherished day of my life. I was happy, was smiling all along, a big fat smile. I was constantly chatting with her through SMS’s, where she was asking me to come back. But both of us knew it was impossible. I was thinking about what I am up to. And what wrong can I do if I am in love with a girl. Yes there was one thing uncommon that she was too old for me. Shocking isin’t it? Is it that much of an issue to separate me from her? I am afraid it was... I knew that she was elder to me from the very first interaction I had with her, it was not love at first sight, but it happened gradually.. love can’t be expressed by forcing yourself and nor can you avoid it, it just happens when you meet someone who understands you just like you yourself do, and she was “that” girl in my case, I never needed to explain anything to her as she always knew it well before I tell or ask her.. She cared for me more than even I cared for myself. She loved me as if I was her Baby, Yes she treated me as her child because she was elder to me. Is it a crime to love someone elder to you? For me Love doesn’t know any age bar. I love her as much as anyone can love his or her beloved. My love for her is not any less I didn’t know what I should do. Love leaves you clueless at times. I can’t go back from where we started and there is no hope ahead after a certain time. And each time one of us brought this conversation up. The other chooses not to discuss it and leave it to our fate. Sometime it’s best thing to do so. And we decided again to enjoy our time together as we were doing it till then. And I must say that enjoying your present is always the best option when you don’t have any plans for tomorrow. Our love was pure. True and away from any false commitments. We knew that we will separate from each other at some point in time .still our love was growing with each passing day. Talks of her marriage in her home were more frequent those days and all I could do was to sit back and hear about them. I was not angry with her that she was about to leave me and get married... I was equally culprit that I was not strong enough to stand up in front of my parents, why?? I could have tried?? No I could not because I had my reasons and those were strong enough to hold me back from doing what I should have. But I had accepted the fact that we were not meant to be together. Still what I could do is to love her forever. It was for 3 months that we had been together and it was a great experience to be with her, I was having the best time of my life. To know that she is mine for time being was a delightful feeling. Always believed that love cannot be measured in time slots or in materialistic things, it’s always measured by the depth of understanding between a couple. And in my case no one will understand me better than she does. Those were my moment of happiness, she gave me all that. It was her birthday. And of course it was a very special day for me too, I was behaving like it was my birthday. But I was a bit sad because I was not able to make it to her city this time, I did not have any valid reasons to give to my parents. And she also had to be with her parents, so we choose to celebrate it together Online. Yup webcameras do cover up distance at times .at least they did for us. All I could do for her on her birthday was to just recall that meeting with her and wrote how I came across her and got to know her. Never thought of writing it. But again who thought of falling in love too .........................................................................................................................To be continued

City of Her- II

city of her - II

                           we were  together again after an eventful morning   and we were  wet due to the rains ,she was sitting by my side in a public auto, maintaining a fare distance, but seems god heard what I wanted and then because of more and more passengers she automatically came close to me... close enough for me to feel her  breath ,smell her hair, I was  looking  in those deep eyes of hers and she was  looking away from me...she was shy ,yet i knew she was also feeling nice..... I was loving that shared auto ride...

After the auto ride we were walking together, we kept asking one another where the each of us wants to go.. Finally we settled on going to the mall. Although i wanted to be at a quieter, less populated place. But no such place existed nearby.

                                Sipping coffee at CCD was never that good before. As it was that day ...cappuccino never felt that awesome. And will not be any other day... maybe it was the effect of her warmth and sweetness... we sipped coffee from the same mug.   It was a pleasant sight to stare at her..@ her lovely big eyes. they seemed like they had  lot to say. but cannot find a way to convey their feelings . Moving around in mall, holding her hands.. afraid that someone might see us . but brave enough to still hold  each others hands. talking about it,  will a day like this ever come again ?? will we be together again ? lots of question. but both decided against answering it and  chose to enjoy that very moment.

     Time was running away from  our hands so we decided to have our lunch...who knows  it can be our first or last lunch together... we never knew what happened before...and were not sure what would happen next ... we  just knew that we were together now…at this very moment. ..Strange isn't it??  A day like this. Which never assures you of anything... yet it was beautiful and full of belief that whatever is happening is good.

                              Lunch was over and we started Moving towards our respective homes, in other words moving towards that road where we had to part ways. May be for the last time we were together, No promises of meeting again .only one commitment...that we will not forget this day. It was special...we will cherish every moment of this day ... and then finally we are on the road where we both have to take opposite directions. I just hold her hands and kissed her on her palm to say that... thanks for the memories and for spending this wonderful day with me.

                                 Moving away from here was a tough ask, with each and every step she was going away from me. And then she disappeared from my sight... my angel was gone.  Again away from my sight but she had moved inside the darkness of the cabinet of memories in my heart and enlightened  it with the light of her charm...

                      "IT DOESN'T MATTER FOR HOW MUCH TIME WE WERE TOGETHER

                    WHAT MATTERED THE MOST WAS HOW WE  FELT IN THOSE MOMENTS"

 FOR ME IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I FELT SPECIAL. AND YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE ME FEEL SPECIAL. I WILL NEVER FORGET THOSE FOUR HOURS, FROM THE FIRST SIGHT OF YOURS TO THE DISAPPEARANCE OF YOUR SHADOW.  I LOVE U... AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU............................................................................ TO BE CONTINUED
city of her - I  

my opinion about LOVE

                                                                       LOVE

As you all are reading... many thoughts may come in  your mind... for those who have not  felt   love must be thinking... its another piece of  crap about  love,sentimental talks and waste of time and  contrary to that  those who have felt  love  may start  thinking about  their loved once , And then thinking what new I am going  to write in this note,  I would just say I also went through it and felt love too ,  And as we all for once asked from another what  is love... what is definition of love?  so here i am  want to share what i feel about love. What  actually  love is for me... may be i am wrong in it... but i am not proving myself right...it’s my view and your may differ from it...

                        I LOVE YOU.  Grammatically it’s a statement not a question...  a statement from a person to someone whom he loves, Still that person who said this statement needs and answer... why? Why we want that answer ? I don’t know... i never wanted that answer... i just loved someone. I let that person knew about that s... and  I did  not wanted that answer... i was not forced to love, it was my decision.  It was my feeling for that person so I just wanted to let her know that’s  it. I don’t care whether she replies to it in positive or negative  . But I would still love her. Because 

       " I can’t force anyone to love me... i loved someone that’s my choice  ... loving me back or not is their"

                           There are lots of theory   I would rather say lots of saying... because their is no specefic lab manual to do practical of love.  Some of those sayings are...love cant happen twice ,  We don’t fall in love   it just happens Is another. Some say love is life and some say love ruined their life. Depends upon ones experience.

                                                        " Love can’t happen twice”

        What actually love is...  from the basic it’s a feeling. It’s indeed... love is just another feeling like. Anger, Hate , Guilt , Sadness, Happiness. And if we can hate more than one thing... if we can be sad many times in our life...and we can be happy daily about something new ,  Why can’t we fall in love more than once?   If u can have one feeling more than once similarly we can feel love too , because its matter of  feeling ,Feeling by our heart , if we want to eat we will eat. so we can fall in love as many times as we want... its just our choice and we tend   blame upon that sacred word " love" that it cant happen twice. Believe me it can...

                               " Love happens automatically   . Manual working of it is called flirting"

                           We  as a human always have tendency to bend things and fact in our favor because we don’t want to be on the wrong side of the things. We always want to be on safer side... so we take shade under the sentence "" hey i did not fall in love intentionally ,it’s just happened " come on we all knew it that we are in love from the beginning... i personally feel.  That any love story has a kick start. a moment ,An incident  and we all knew when we felt that in  our life.. we don’t fall in love with every another  girl or boy.. its always someone special.  and if it has  to happen. Why it not happened with many other whom you  interacted before that special person in your  life... its just because  you  knew that she/he  is the one  you  were looking for . We start to behave animated in front of them.  Yes animated is the right word... we often behaved animated   in front of our loved  one  to make them realize that they are special for us? And more often than not they fell for this things that we make them realize that they are special in our life... so love just not happened on its own... we tried for it  and  we  fall in love  with our choice. 

                                             “FROM LIFE TO... BIGGEST MISTAKE OF LIFE ""

                          Another thing what I observed is, How things changes in a relation when it goes through a tough phase. When everything goes smooth we ignore any mistake of our loved one , because " making mistake is human nature" and "forgiveness is the best policy " what we believe in ,  and when things start to get worse its  like  " till when I should ignore  these  silly mistakes "  earlier big mistakes were easily forgiven and  silly ones are not tolerable now . Because we want to put blame on each other , Within moment our love become from the best thing ever happen to us to the worst mistake of our life .....  promise of   holding hands till last breath  is  forgotten... every   thing which we liked about other start to irritate us.  Why it’s like that , For once  we were not able to live without her and now we can’t live with them.. but why is that.. its just because... we start to ignore those sweet things which we used to do, everything our partner says seems wrong... because we see as a remark , earlier it was for our betterment and now it was like pointing out our mistakes.

                     "Love is not measured from how much you  loves other when all is well,  Its measured from how much you  can tolerate other when all is wrong”

                                                       “   MEANING OF LOVE ”    

                                      What actually love is ?   is it just being  together  even if  we are not comfortable  in each others presence? Is it still love when we  fight over small issue for many hours . Or  love is to see  our partner happy even if her happiness means  our sadness. For me  love is to see our loved one happy even if its without us. far from us. I would be happy to see my love happy  even if I have to  sacrifice my happiness for  that.   “ love is not in looking at each other for long time.. its  in looking together  in 1 direction.. and that direction should be always happiness of your partner. love can not be bound in time .. its timeless. Because when  we are in love  we forget count of time. every moment  feel like  we know each other from eternity ..   how to know when we are in love? . its actually when you can  see world  from her perspective..  when u know  what your partner  would react  for certain situation that’s the time when u can claim that  you know that  person inside out. And believe me when you  will know this.you are in love with that person..

City of her -I

This was not my first  visit  to this city  neither it was last... but still their was  something  different.. i had  an excitement within me this time ,which i never had before visiting this city, it was  same place  but there was a feeling which was never their before.

What was that? why i was feeling different??.. i was feeling  different  because i was about to meet someone..someone special..really special...never met her before.. this was the excitement  which  was  making difference .. which changed the atmosphere of the city.. all the things which i hated about this city were not looking that bad.. as if  my inner self was saying.. its a price i am paying to meet her..and it stands no where in comparison  to what i  am about to get.

After long wait of 2 days, finally the day arrived of my most awaited  meeting.. not  a meet for  materialistic purpose,it was a meeting  which was related directly  to my heart, morning was  fresh n full of  excitement  as it was never before.  their was hurry in everyday  stuff i do.. i wanted to skip  through all of  them  , then finally i went to meet her .. that  too  the places i hated most.. an educational  institute.. for the first time i was enjoying my time in  an educational building..

Finally i saw her,closer she was  coming my heart started beating  faster, faster with her each step. came closer to me  , she is shy, her eyes asking  are  you  fine.?? reached here without any problem?? all through her eyes but still silent,searching  for words. ,then  she  asked can we walk  together  away from the people  looking at us.... and we walked away ,  talked for a while before  she went  back  to her work...saying..she has  some work in their &  she will come back  soon..

     

She is gone now ..  disappeared  in the dark room inside a building..far from my eyes.... now i m back to my  senses and thinking is she was  with me for real..or it was a dream..  no i touched her.. it cant be a dream. why cant we touch someone in dream???...nope it was  for real... and am waiting for her to come back while sitting on a bench..waiting n waiting. i sent a  text  to her "" how much time u will take""" no reply from her side , now asking  asking myself... does she even care about me??  should she had given priority to me over that work .. me who came all the way to see n talk her only.. my cell ringed.. her voice was at other end...i am really sorry dear but it will take more time finishing this work... its OK  that was all i could say to her.

Now it was getting on mind , i cant wait anymore. she don't care about me and  am leaving.. text  her..   m going back to home,bye take care .. i reached half way on  my way to home..when  my cell ringed again...her name was on display.. i picked , she asked  where are you?? Asked me  to return .and i could not say anything else   my heart was happy again within a second..that  she left everything  for me.. coming to me...i started to go back where she was waiting for me...i was happy as i was in morning..as it was again a new start....

suddenly rain starts pouring  as if god saying,. hold down kid you are too desperate..

"ye ishq nahi asan itna samjh lijiye..aag ka dariya hai aur tair kar jana hai "

 it was  raining as it was the last time it is  raining.. i lost the way... lost the location  for some time... but finally  i saw her i smiled.. forgot it's  raining,forgot all the time she made me wait..it was  just one voice coming  from my inside "" I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS MOMENT".....

bahut der se jheelon ki gehrai maap rahe the kuch hasil  na hua..

ab to samunder main kood gaye , gehrai ka andaza kahan..

                                                                                        .............. to be continued .